From Michael.Dennehy@bertelsmann.de Thu Jun 7 12:25:59 2001 Return-Path: Delivered-To: 48ers@skynet.ie Received: from mx4.bertelsmann.de (mx4.bertelsmann.de [62.52.71.35]) by holly.csn.ul.ie (Postfix) with ESMTP id D4FAF2B302; Thu, 7 Jun 2001 12:25:57 +0100 (IST) Received: by mx4.bertelsmann.de with Internet Mail Service (5.5.2653.19) id ; Thu, 7 Jun 2001 13:27:03 +0200 Message-ID: <150E204E37AAD211980D0000F689472805568992@debage51.bertelsmann.de> From: Michael.Dennehy@bertelsmann.de To: Tracy.ODonovan@bmg.co.uk, Grainne.Heffron@bertelsmann.de, trevor.m.neylon@aib.ie, sarah.reeves@boimail.com, royenright@hotmail.com, rory.m.liddane@aib.ie, Richard.McMahon@esat.com, Rebecca.M.Lyons@aib.ie, paula.b.oleary@jpmorgan.com, patrice_fanning@hotmail.com, Orla.M.Comerford@aib.ie, marina.maher@boiss.boi.ie, cutjackrocks@hotmail.com, davidlyons2001@yahoo.com, JBarron@symantec.com, jcostello@eurologic.com, jasmurphy@esat.com, BHunt@symantec.com, fayo79@hotmail.com, mark.j.osullivan@jpmorganfleming.com, Dermot.Leahy@boimail.com, deccy@skynet.ie, Kieran.Cleary@esat.com, carolburke79@hotmail.com, 48ers@skynet.ie Subject: Few Funnies Date: Thu, 7 Jun 2001 13:27:02 +0200 MIME-Version: 1.0 X-Mailer: Internet Mail Service (5.5.2653.19) Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" A LIMERICK MAN, A CLARE MAN AND A TIPP MAN WERE IN A BAR ONE NIGHT HAVING A BEER. ALL OF A SUDDEN THE CLARE MAN DOWNS HIS BEER, THROWS HIS GLASS IN THE AIR, PULLS OUT A GUN AND SHOOTS THE GLASS TO PIECES AND SAYS "IN CLARE OUR GLASSES ARE SO CHEAP THAT WE DON'T NEED TO DRINK FROM THE SAME ONE TWICE". THE TIPP MAN IMPRESSED BY THIS, DOWNS HIS BEER, THROWS HIS GLASS IN THE AIR, PULLS OUT HIS GUN AND SHOOTS THE GLASS TO PIECES AND SAYS "WELL IN TIPP WE HAVE SO MUCH SAND TO MAKE THE GLASSES THAT WE DON'T NEED TO DRINK OUT OF THE SAME GLASS EITHER". THE LIMERICKMAN, AS COOL AS A CUCUMBER,PICKS UP HIS BEER AND DRINKS IT, THROWS HIS GLASS IN THE AIR, PULLS OUT HIS GUN AND SHOOTS THE CLARE MAN AND THE TIPP MAN AND SAYS "IN LIMERICK WE HAVE SO MANY FUCKING CLARE AND TIPP MEN, WE DON'T NEED TO DRINK WITH THE SAME ONES TWICE". A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 6 year old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers. She hung around and eventually the construction crew all of them more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope containing a dollar. The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the dollar pay she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account. When they got to the bank the teller was equally impressed with the story and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I've been working with a crew building a house all week." "My goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week too?" "I will if those useless cocksuckers at the lumber yard ever bring us the fuckin' drywall," replied the little girl. An older Jewish gentleman marries a younger lady and they are very much in love. However, no matter what the husband does sexually, the woman never achieves orgasm. Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to ask the rabbi. The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following suggestion: "Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help the wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm." They go home and follow the rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love. It doesn't help and she is still unsatisfied. Perplexed, they go back to the rabbi. "Okay," says the rabbi to the husband, "let's try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them." Once again, they follow the rabbi's advice. The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel. The young man gets to work with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous, room-shaking, screaming orgasm. The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly: "You see, schmuck? THAT'S the way to wave a towel."