Save Chip 1 - 1 F.C.Drebin (3-4 Pen) 23/04/02

No report.

Team: John Ger Murphy, Brian Horgan, Mark O'Sullivan, PJ Murphy, Paddy Thornton, Martin Furlong, Stevie O'Connor, Mindi, Stephen Ward, James Carroll, Myles Jordan
Subs: Pat Sweeney, Eamon Walsh, Ronan Boyzone

Save Chip 0 - 2 Boca Boateng 22/04/02

No report.

Team: John Ger Murphy, Eamon Walsh, Mark O'Sullivan, PJ Murphy, Paddy Thornton, Gerry, Stevie O'Connor, Mindi, Stephen Ward, James Carroll, Myles Jordan
Subs: Pat Sweeney, Brian Horgan

Save Chip 2 - 1 Armitage Shanks 20/04/02

(Mindi, Ward)

This was the third match in four days for the Chip team, but nobody wants to give up now as the end of this illustrious season is fast approaching. The return of old favourites David Sheils and Mick "Hoover" Dempsey boosted the squad to a total of 16 available players. Once again the out of favour Graham Barrett was missing from the squad, and Barrett is rumoured to be offloaded to Burnley F.C. to join Paul Gascoigne in central midfield as he is no longer a favourite with the Chip fans due to him frequent absences and refusal to play in the rain. Eamon Walsh also sat this one out, recovering from his midweek excursion up the pitch for the equalising goal in the rain-soaked victory over Random Punters. The Celtic jersey clad opposition, Armitage Shanks, looked confident from the start and Chip expected a tough battle once again. The match kicked off at 11:30 and some of the Chip team were still thinking about their beds, others were thinking about the latest vacuum cleaner model from Dyson, the "SuperSuck5000". Shanks had the brighter start, winning most kickouts in midfield as Chip struggled to get a grip on the game. Time and again the Celtic jerseys drove forward in search of an early goal, and a low cross into the 6 yard box should have been easily dealt with but the ball somehow managed to break loose and roll agonisingly towards the Chip goal line. O'Connor launched himself and scooped the ball around the post. Chip hung their heads as an instant red card seemed inevitable but all were relieved to see the referee only brandish a yellow. The ref admitted later that as he fumbled for the red card he realised it had worked its way into the lining of his boxer shorts and he was too embarrassed to remove it. The penalty was duly despatched and Chip found themselves in the familiar situation of being a goal down with their Cup-winning aspirations seriously threatened. Chip rolled up their sleeves, tightened up in defence and tried to attack in search of the equaliser. O'Connor almost scored with a free kick, but his goal bound effort was touched onto the crossbar by the Shanks keeper. At this stage Paddy Thornton had been found in a stoned state out on the main road singing Bob Marley classics and smiling at all passers by as they looked down at him in pity. He was carried to the bench and prepared to take up his familiar role at left back for the second half. Half time came and while the opposition spent their time discussing match tactics for the second half, the Chip players spent their 10 minutes discussing the rules of soccer and Gaelic football regarding red carded players being replaced in extra time. Ronan Boyzone was also introduced for the second half in an attempt to get some width into the Chip play. Not long into the second half and Chip were rewarded for their never-say-die spirit as O'Connor showed great vision with a pass into the path of Mindi which beat the offside trap. Mindi's first touch was excellent and he raced on to beat the keeper with a low finish. The score was level and it was Shanks' turn to ask questions of their ability to rise to the occasion in search of another goal. The ever-willing Jordan was making some great runs and was put through on a few occasions up front. One or two sublime lobs from the Chip striker deserved better. Stephen Ward was introduced for Mick Dempsey and soon was in the heart of the action, bearing down on goal and unleashing a shot which came back off the upright with the keeper beaten. "Comin' through boss!!!" was the roar heard as Boyzone followed up with a blazing shot that cleared the trees 40 yards behind the endline. Kevin Martin switched to centre back as his old injury resurfaced, with Mark O'Sullivan joining the "Player of the Year" winner Stevie O'Connor in central midfield. Kevin Martin had run himself into the ground and soon afterwards signalled to the bench that he wanted to be replaced. John Ger Murphy suddenly realised he was about to join the action, dropping to the ground and struggling frantically to remove his jeans, ably assisted by James Carroll and David Sheils. Extra time loomed and the 'Golden Goal' method of playing out the remainder of the game was decided upon. Chip looked focused as they took up their positions for the first period, launching immediately into attack mode, attempting to keep their winning run going and reaching their second semi final of the season. Jordan reached another pass and from inside the area lobbed the keeper once again. The ball came back off the crossbar and quickest to react was supersub Stephen Ward who kept a cool head and for the second time in his Chip career fired home the winning goal. Save Chip won this encounter by the odd goal in three and now take their place in the League Cup semi final to be played on Monday next.
(BH)

Team: Pat Sullivan, Brian Horgan, Liam, Mark O'Sullivan, PJ Murphy, Stevie O'Connor, Mick Dempsey, David Sheils, Kevin Martin, Mindi, Myles Jordan
Subs: Pat Sweeney, Ronan Boyzone, Paddy Thornton, Stephen Ward, John Ger Murphy

Save Chip 3 - 2 Horsebox 18/04/02

(Jordan (2), Boyzone)

The Chippers cup run continued on a damp but playable UCD pitch last night, as a strong but tired team took to the park in search of a victory which would see them safely into the semi finals and have them brimming with confidence. This was the second match in two days for many of the players and noone knew how their legs would hold up. Eamon Walsh, 3rd round cup hero and local drinking legend in the township of Bunclody, reportedly admitted to having discovered previously dormant muscles in his legs, as they screamed at him agony. It is at times like these that a football team needs its full squad most urgently. However, Mssrs Sheils and Mick AGAIN failed to make an appearance. Reports of a vicious love triangle involving Sheils, Dempsey, a hoover and much violence have not been related to the absenteeism but we are continuing our investigations in this regard and will keep you updated with the results. The opponents today- horsebox ":n : a conveyance (railroad car or trailer) for transporting racehorses". Surely this was incorrect? Were Chip to be asked to line out against a 4 wheeled vehicle? No. As it turns out, this was just a witty and imaginative name for a football team, apparently inspired by the dwellings of some of the dirty knackers on the horsebox team, most notably the left back. The proceedings took place under the watchful(and I use that word in the loosest possible sense) eye of Mr. McGoo, again. The usual array of ringers and porn stars made up the Chip team and they started very well. So well were they playing, in fact, that the management and players were having a right laugh and the odd snicker at Horsebox's expense. They even found time to have a good old guffaw at themselves, whenever Furry got himself involved. In a post match interview at the Lucozade sport machine beside dressing room number 7, Furry defended his own performance. "I have a semi final to play at home, lad", was his only comment. A quick phone call to Eircom confirmed our suspicions, however, that Furry's tiredness was in fact from late night sessions on 1550-fun-hot-babes. Gerry was reminiscent of an in form Stevie Gerrard as he sprayed 50 yard passes left, right and centre, picking out players with frightening accuracy. Pat Sweeney was digging in and played some delightful balls to the front pair. Stevie even found time to throw in a little jinker down the line to beat his man and win a corner. Any Horsebox move that looked like causing trouble would hit the brick wall of PJ and Mark in the middle. The one exception was when John Ger hit Mark a punch in the face, obviously wanting to see a little more action - which he missed out on, since PJ cleared the resulting shot from the line. Chip were cruising at this stage and the cherry was iced, glazed and professionally put right on top of the cake when Myles played a tricky backheel inside the right edge of the box. The defender looked favourite to reach it but Boyzone came barrelling through from the right, shouting "Life is a rollercoaster, you've just gotta ride it, boss". The defender was stunned by this marvellous gem of wisdom, paused for a moment in thought and Ronan took advantage, letting rip with the right boot, sending a rocket past the keeper and almost through the net. The sideline crew went wild. Carroll threw his hands in the air, seemingly in triumph but it was later discovered that passers by heard him exclaim "I can't believe they're winning without me. What am I to do?". This effortless dominance continued for Chip until the break. It was at half time that Chip struck the crucial psychological blow, as Horsebox, white faced and shaking, watched the two true stars/pin-ups of the Blue dynamite arrive. They regained some of their composure when they realised Martin wasn't even going to be arsed togging out but still, the punch was deadly. Carroll pulled Sweeney off, then substituted him(presumably the former was to lessen the blow), opened the cage and let Horgan loose on the right wing. Liam came on for Walsh at right back and Eamon gave an interview to Sky One, who were making a documentary about near death experiences, which the two nights of football in a row had been for him. 5 minutes into the second half, the laughter was shoved where the sun don't shine as Horsebox nicked an equaliser. Horgan uncharacteristically missed a through ball and the striker finished past a helpless John Ger. In truth, this half was seeing a different Horsebox team than the first. They were passing and moving much better and the small crowd that had gathered on the far side of the pitch cheered them on. Undaunted, the Chippers played through the jeers. Kevin Martin even entertained thoughts of togging out, such was the commitment of the young Skellig Rangers star. Horgan was moving well down the right wing and it looked like that was the area that the break might come from. So it was when a great ball to Myles, from Horgan, saw him finish it well but Mr. McGoo had seen otherwise, as usual and adjudged that Myles had been offside. The goal didn't count and the Blues were getting edgy, wondering if the tables had been turned. With 20 minutes of the half gone, Horgan broke past the fullback on the right wing and hit a cross from 10 yards outside the box. Myles stood off the defender, who flailed at the ball and missed. Jordan chested it down and slammed it into the bottom left corner from 15 yards out. The crowd on the far side shut up for a while. It was brilliant. However, if Chip thought that the work had now been done, they were in for a surprise. With their fans cheering them on and shouting so loud that Mr. McGoo couldn't do anything other than award them EVERY free kick available, Horsebox came on strong. Within 5 minutes, they were on level terms again. John Ger came out flapping at a corner, an impression of a duck which would have been more suited to the rain and mud of the previous night, completely missed it and the striker headed home an easy goal. Chip were rabbits caught in the glare from the headlights of their own success. The sudden fear that they, for once, might be the team going home saying "Jaysus, we should have won that. What the hell just happened?" was upon them and Horsebox had the crowd. The time was right. Having sufficiently wrapped him up in cotton wool, Carroll played his last ace and sent Kevin Martin on in place of Boyzone. The blue sideline crew shouted and screamed but they couldn't combat the "Ali Sami Yen" type atmosphere coming from across the green. With their backs firmly to the wall and the realisation that they might lose, Save Chip were back on much more comfortable and familiar ground. This is how they play their football. So, it was no surprise to this reporter when Jordan was first to a through ball on the edge of box and knocked it past the onrushing keeper. The ball moved agonisingly slowly but somehow guided itself into the net, only helped the last couple of inches by a lunging defender, knowing he'd just been bent over and shown who daddy was, Myles style. Before the final whistle blew, there was still time for a couple of incidents. John Ger made a fine stop from an onrushing defender. Martin used the patented "elbow of God" to knock the ball past the defender and send his shot past the keeper and fizzing just wide. Then it was all over. The boys all stood on the sideline and waved hello to the cup semi final. In an exclusive interview with the Chip times, manager Skip Carroll revealed that they may be without Eamon Walsh for the remaining matches. He commented "The district of UCD have initially rejected a footballing license for Eamon due to attempted rape allegations from a young lady who has come forward during this cup campaign. She claims she was chased down on a Dublin Street by Eamon during his college years. I have spoken to Eamon and he assures me that he only wanted to ask her where the nearest McDonalds was. We will be appealing this decision. We believe we will succeed, as Eamon's parents have told me he was neutered before ever attending college, because of fears over incidents just like this one. They say he was a right little skirt lifter in his playschool days."
(SW)

Team:John Ger Murphy, Mark O'Sullivan, PJ Murphy, Paddy Thornton, Eamon Walsh, Pat Sweeney, Martin Furlong, Ronan Boyzone, Stevie O'Connor, Myles Jordan
Subs:Brian Horgan, Kevin Martin

Save Chip 1 - 1 Random Punters (4-3 Pen) 17/04/02

(Walsh)

A man called Noah once built an ark to avoid a horrendous rain storm. It was such a bad rain storm, he was the only man to live through it. The world has never seen such a rain storm. Had Noah seen this game, I think he'd have said, "Holy shit, that's some crazy BAD ASS rain". This was an unplayable pitch. For 90 minutes, it was more reminiscent of a water polo match than a game of football. In such difficult conditions, it was inevitable that there would be a long list of absentees. Barrett was the worst offender, having confirmed he'd play, during the sunny heat of the previous couple of days. He took one look outside the window before this game, however, and decided he'd stay in with his Cindy Crawford excercise video. Dempsey and Sheils couldn't make it as they had a priority appointment with the marriage counsellor. We contacted Sheils around mid day, to get his take on the missing pair. "Mick and that feckin hoover. It's ruining our life. We have to sort it and we have to sort it now". Dempsey was quick to contact us in response, "Don't listen to him. The problem is not the hoover. It's him and his pornography, with that bloody sound system. He turns it up and I can literally feel the vibrations of Luscious Lyddia coming through the floor. With vibrations like that, well, I can't help myself. Since he doesn't find me attractive any more I have to turn to someone who doesn't judge me, nilfisk". Carroll was off enjoying some relaxing go karting, having feigned a knee injury days in advance, as part of a cunningly concocted plan to avoid the bad weather that he knew was forecasted. The big talking point, however, was Kevin Martin's "official" retirement. "I'm going this time. I'm really going. You can't stop me. I'm off to take a swim in lake me, spend some quality time with myself, get to know the real Kev. Forget about trying to lure me back. Well, maybe if ye make the semis". The shortage was the worst Chip have yet seen, with Ward having to play on a bad ankle, just to make up the numbers. These weaknesses were exposed almost immediately after kickoff, as Random Punters scored just 5 minutes in. They had by far the more playable attacking half of the pitch and they seemed to take to the conditions a little quicker than the Chip 11. A cross from the left skidded along wet grass, beat Chip's back 4 into the box and was met by the onrushing striker. The Chippers didn't drop the heads, though. This was not an unusual scoreline for them and they have definitely earned the nickname of "comeback team" already. They pressed on. Moments later, O'connor found Ward on the edge of the box. His through ball was met by a hurtling Boyzone but the defender got a touch and Chip had a corner. Horgan hit it near. Ward broke free of his marker and hit the post with his volley from a tight angle. There were claims for another corner but it never was. The chance lifted the spirits of the blues but they had little else to cheer in the first half. Punters were taking good advantage of the width and their wide men broke down both wings time and again. This was accentuated by the fact that Save Chip's usual direct tactics were being scuppered by the atrocious conditions in the centre of the park. Attack after attack for the Blues was killed before it really even got started, as the ball got caught in a puddle or skidded too far on a waterlogged surface. The shirtsleeves were all the way up, the heels were firmly dug in but this was looking ominous. The chances for both teams were few and far between. One exception was a punters corner late in the first half. Ward missed the header and the attacker got enough to steer his header onto the post from the edge of the box, but thankfully it was cleared away. Thornton and Ward threw a relieved little glance at eachother, as they had both been responsible for telling Eamon Walsh to leave the post and mark a man. It had almost proved a costly move but the Blues had escaped again. A couple of Stevie free kicks from the edge of the area hit the wall. The spirits were drowned by the rain. Paddy was starting fights with the hired help and Gitzer was rethinking his appearance fee. Half time came, somehow. Paddy apologised to Gitzer and they had a little cuddle, all better. In an inspired move, Gitzer went from centre midfield to centre back and Mark did the reverse. The second half held more hope for the Blues, as they were attacking on the better, less waterlogged end of the pitch. However, the truth is that the rain was still pouring down and the entire surface was now destroyed. Punters seemed to be playing the better football in midfield but they were proving pretty fruitless up front. Gitzer nearly helped them out when he headed one of their crosses straight at goal but Pat Sullivan made a brilliant leap across to recover and save Gitzer from the embarrassment of post match wedgies and dead arms. Brian Horgan should have picked up his first yellow card of the campaign when he blatantly buckled the Punters' winger, as he sailed past. The Punters fans were getting very irritating, laughing whenever a Chip player was on the receiving end of a bad tackle. In one such incident, Walsh was crumpled by a disgraceful challenge that the referee deemed legal. The Punters found that very funny. Not so funny did they find it when, moments later, PJ threw a bone crunching challenge into their left winger. "Who's laughing now?", quipped O'Connor and indeed, that boy is lucky he doesn't have a broken leg. PJ it was who really lit the fire under the Chip front line in that soaking second half. His surging runs down both flanks began causing all sorts of trouble for the Punters. One down the right saw Horgan fire a powerful shot, with his left boot, just high and wide of the goal. Another, this time down the left, saw him send an inviting cross over the face of the goal but noone was quick enough to it and the chance went a begging. This was a battle, not a game. The Chippers looked sullen and wondered where the break would come from, if at all. 5 minutes left and it looked like there may be nothing left in this for the Blues. They wondered what it would feel like to go out of a cup competition. Punters knew it was over. But they hadn't let Eamon Walsh in on the secret. A ball into a crowded box landed at the feet of the Punters centre back. He wasn't allowed to dwell on the ball as Ward dived in with, pathetically, his first tackle of the game, winning the ball and sending it out wide to O'Connor. Stevie looked up and ignored the shouts in the box, opting instead for Walsh, hovering just on the edge of the penalty area. Walsh controlled the ball. Everyone screamed in unison, "SHOOT!". He did. He let fly and after two slight deflections, it shook the onion bag. The eruption of delight from the Chippers was dampened only by O'Connor, as he pulled off in the only bus leaving cloud 9, "You wally Eamon, now we'll have to play extra time!!", but the smile was big. The Blue Dynamite scrapped to the end. Punters weren't laughing any more. Everyone was relieved when the ref opted to go straight to penalties and skip the torture that extra time would have been. Their first hit the bar. Mark scored, confidently. They scored their second. Thornton scored, forgetting what foot he uses. Pat Sullivan made a brilliant save to stop their third. Gitzer sent it low to the right, risking the watery grave but scoring well, to make it 3-1. Punters next kick went in, just barely, after Pat got almost enough on it. One goal from either O'Connor or Ward would seal it. O'Connor stepped up. He buried it. Save Chip danced into the quarter final of the cup. Write them off at your peril.
(SW)

Team:
Pat Sullivan, Brian Horgan, Mark O'Sullivan, PJ Murphy, Paddy Thornton, Eamon Walsh, Gitzer, Pat Sweeney, Ronan Boyzone, Stevie O'Connor, Stephen Ward

Save Chip 5 - 2 Pegasus 13/04/02

(Boyzone, O'Connor, Mindi (2), Ronan)

In a pre-match press conference held over the wall of the cubicles in the UCD mens toilets, player manager Skippy Carroll had this to say of his young league hopefuls, "I don't know, I JUST DON'T KNOW. We're shit up front. No firepower. No big balls. Well, maybe Boyzone. His balls are ok. He's no Dempsey, though. Jaysus, that lad has balls like balloons. Wait, don't quote me on any of that balls stuff. I'm not even gonna play this one. We're dead, I tell ya, dead." Only as we heard the sobs and whimpers coming from the next cubicle did we realise Thornton had sneaked into the conference, not for the first time going where he isn't supposed to go in a mens toilet cubicle. After the excitement of the midweek penalty shootout and the physical hardship of a week away in Spain, respectively, Sheils and Dempsey decided to give today's showdown a miss at the last minute, opting instead for a relaxing afternoon in bed, with some scented candles, a bottle of good wine and a copy of "Men's Health". A reporter from The Chip Times managed to contact Sheils on his mobile just prior to kickoff but couldn't get a quote due to the noise of Dempsey in the background, shouting "Say my name bitch" and "who's your daddy". 15 minutes into the game, it was all looking good for the blues. Great passing and strong midfield domination were keeping Pegasus at bay and creating a few chances. Philly Larkin had put a header over the bar and Mindi had scuffed a shot from the edge of the box when, completely against the run of play, Pegasus launched a ball over the Chip back 4, who were caught napping too far up the pitch again and the dirty looking number 11 scored. It restored a little heart to the Pegasus boys but did little to lessen the Chip onslaught. Mindi was running their left back ragged and putting some great crosses in. O'Connor was winning everything in midfield. On 35 minutes, the Chippers won a throw deep in the Pegasus half. Mindi's throw was long and apparently surprised the Pegasus defenders, since one of them forgot which end of the pitch he was at and tried a header at goal. His header hit the crossbar and rebounded to Boyzone, who hammered it in. 2 minutes later, Boyzone retrieved a no hoper wide ball(which, incidentally, he played), beat the fullback and squared a solid pass to the feet of the onrushing Mindi, who tucked it away neatly. None of the goals changed the pace or direction of the game. This was all Chip. However, so much were the back line enjoying the show, their popcorn and medium drinks, that yet again they were caught slow footed by a ball over the top. A corner resulted. The ensuing melee in the box was hilarious for the spectators and well worth the entrance fee. Coreographed bedlam. Someone scored. 2-2. This was a very flattering scoreline for Pegasus but it didn't last long. Order was restored when, a few minutes later, just before half time, Mindi hit yet another long throw into the box and the other Ronan rose majestically to the heavens and stuck his nut to the ball, sending it home. 3-2 at the break. Brian Horgan pleaded to come on up front. He was heard moaning on the sideline, "C'mon, I need to score. I can't afford a tenner and Furry'll break my legs if I don't cough up". Instead, he was stuck back in his box and told to play right back, as always. When questioned about the decision, Carroll responded "Look, he has to know his place. I'm the boss and I make the decisions. Certain players are only cut out for full back roles and Horgan is one of them. We couldn't risk him up front. I'm protecting the dignity of the other players here". He did what he was told and had a very good game. Carroll came on aswell, just in time for the restart after emptying his bladder on a young oak tree nearby. Responding to allegations that his team have been taking a ridiculous amount of toilet breaks during half time, Carroll had this to say, "I encourage the lads to do it. It lures the opposition into a false sense of security. They think we're shitting ourselves". Second half was more of the same, with Chip running amuck in midfield and breaking down the wings. With 15 minutes gone, "The Mindi Show" continued as he broke away from the full back and unleashed a rocket of a cross, erm shot, from the corner of the box that nearly broke the net on the far side after dipping over the keeper. 4-2 and the Chippers were playing exhibition football. On the half hour, another Mindi throw caused a free for all in the box, O'Connor pounced and put another notch on his belt. He further compounded his "circus stevie" image, however, with a comical mess in the centre circle that he claims he "practiced". Not much comfort for those on the sideline who were still trying to figure out just what it was he'd done. Pegasus were battered and beaten but that wasn't enough to shut their "irritating little fucker" no. 6 up. After spending 5 minutes hacking at the legs of Carroll, as the "blue lightening" danced circles around him, he found it incredulous that Chip had been awarded a free. This, though, was a summary of Pegasus' whole game, as they hacked and kicked at anything in sight. In a final bid to breach the Chip defence, it's reported that one of the Pegasus boys was even threatening rape, as he let several of the Chip players know that he could "have" them if he really wanted. Carroll made sure the boys all left the campus before dark. This result seals second spot in the league for the Chippers. Their interest in the 2 cup competitions is still strong. The glory days are back and they look notably blue.
(SW)

Team:Pat Sullivan, Liam, Simon, Mark O'Sullivan, Paddy Thornton, Mindi, Pat Sweeney, Philip Larkin, Ronan Boyzone, Stevie O'Connor, Ronan
Subs:James Carroll, Brian Horgan

Save Chip 0 - 0 Pegasus (4-3 Pen) 06/04/02

Two days before this game it looked as if Chip would have difficulty in fielding a full team. David Sheils almost added to the absentee list when he was nearly arrested at 6am the morning before, placing locks of hair on the four corners of the pitch and chanting, naked, in the centre circle. However, he managed to escape the clutches of the police. A spokesman for the gardai said “He literally slipped through our fingers. It was like someone had greased him up”. At this revelation, close friends revealed that Mick Dempsey began shuddering uncontrollably and muttering under his breath “Never again, dear God never again”. Apparently he’s been having up to 5 showers a day. And so, with the subtraction of some and the addition of others, Chip managed to pull a colossal 13 players together, in the nick of time. Paul Cunniffe filled in on nets, Paddy, Mark, Simon and Horgan made up the back four, Sheils, Ali, Sweeney and Boyzone across the middle, John and the indomitable Skippy up front. Mindi “sounds like a porn star but isn’t” and Garreth Thornton warmed the bench. On this skeleton crew the cup dreams lay. Refereeing the game was Mr. McGoo. The same man who had deemed legal the rape of Stephen Ward by the left back only days before, leaving him crippled and crutch dependant. He continued his comical style in this game, as he tottered about the pitch awarding freekicks on a “who shouts loudest wins” basis. Screams of agony do not count. Pegasus started with an unexpected bang. Within the first 5 minutes, they had broken into Chip’s box and Cunniffe made a great save to keep it scoreless. The resulting corner saw Paul again called into action as he made a fine stop, diving to a powerful 5 yard effort, pushing it wide. Chip’s first real opening came 10 minutes in when Ali broke from midfield, muscled past one defender, beat the next and came very close to slotting the ball home, foiled only by a flailing foot of the outstretched keeper. There were numerous incidents of through balls catching the slow Pegasus defence napping but Chip failed to capitalise. Boyzone was doing great work down the right wing while simultaneously coming up with lyrics for the next single and generally living each day as if it's the last. Chip won several corners and free kicks but the delivery was generally poor. Pegasus failed to make an impact after the opening and they were pretty much upholding their bottom of the league status. However, they did look a little dangerous on the counterattack, when Save Chip’s midfield seemed to be awol and the gaping hole in midfield was swarmed by Pegasus players. With a better team, the cutting edge might have been present to exploit the gaps but Pegasus lacked creativity and rarely found their way into the box. Sheils and Boyzone made way for Thornton junior and Mindi at the break. The second half did much to shorten the life spans of the onlookers. Simon was nowhere to be found. Turns out he had decided that half time in a scoreless cup tie would be a good time to go and have a dump. Really. The Chip players all hope they only had the cheap toilet paper that doesn’t wipe the shit off your arse, it just sort of moves it around. Skippy Carroll filled in the hole while Simon emptied his. 5 minutes later, Crapper was back. Pegasus felt a bit more confident having reached the break without conceding and they pushed forward early in the half. Crosses into the box were never dealt with and were the main area of danger for Chip. As is now a tradition, Chip 'allowed' one shot to hit the crossbar, after a well delivered corner passed over the whole Chip defence. They scrapped through the first 15 minutes and began to come on strong. Mindi was showing some great footwork, instigating and getting involved in some excellent passing moves down the right wing which produced some good chances but too often the cross was over or under hit and the strikers, when they managed to make it into the box, were left as frustrated as a priest teaching in an all girls school. Pegasus came back into it, though, and the Chip defence was breached a couple of times by good through balls because they were playing a little too high up the pitch in an eagerness to score that rivalled the drunken mobs of Copper Face Jacks. Final whistle blew. Extra time loomed. Extra time produced more of the same. End to end stuff with blunt finishing and last gasp effort tackles winning the day. One Henchozesque Horgan tackle deserves a mention. Consider it mentioned. With a last brave effort, Chip rushed down the left wing. It looked good and the ball dropped to Paddy Thornton 15 yards out, with a clear shot on goal. In his excitement he thought of his hero, Michael Flatley, and he did a little jig, forgetting to release a shot. The whistle blew. Penalties waved hello. Furry's tenner is one match safer, Horgan. Skippy Carroll stepped up. This was his moment. All of his hard work had boiled down to this second. There is no question. That day, he joined the greats. Chris Waddle. Gareth Southgate. Stuart Pearce. Roberto Baggio. Names spoken only in silence, with the occasional synical, mocking laugh. His right boot met the ball. 20 minutes later, we got it back from the far pitch. Afterwards, he was heard mutturing on about bobbles and regulation height goals. Luckily, the first peno taker for Pegasus had so admired Skippy's surface to air missile that he tried to emulate it with great success. This looked like it would be a mockery of a shootout. However, in answer to the pressure, Mark, Mindi and Thornton all hammered Daddy home. Paul stopped one. It was all down to John. The lads hugged in the centre circle. It felt gay but somehow ok. John scored. We cheered. Boyzone grinned at the lads and said "Shower time", at which the thrill of victory disappeared. The skeleton crew had come up trumps.
(SW)

Team:Paul Cunniffe, Paddy Thornton, Brian Horgan, Mark O'Sullivan, Simon, David Sheils, Ali, Pat Sweeney, Ronan Boyzone, James Carroll, John
Subs: Mindy, Garret Thornton

Save Chip 2 - 1 Dutch Goals 03/04/02

(Boyzone, Martin)

It was Wednesday evening and in on a sunny UCD campus the masses descended on the soccer pitches for the cup clash between Save Chip and the unknown 'Dutch Goals'. Memories of Marco VanBasten and Arie Haan made for an uncomfortable tension before the game, the Chip team fearing being beaten by some total football, but then they comforted themselves with the possibility that the opposition were probably just a bunch of fat bastards who sat around drinking cheap beer. Panic soon set in however as the team sheet was announced and it seemed Martin Furlong was to start as the Chip number one. Other midweek absentees were plentiful, as once more a unique starting eleven lined up for the kickoff. Midfielders Sheils and Dempsey were enjoying a week in sunny Spain with Dempsey's girlfriend, while Thornton sent his younger brother Garret on left-back duty while he practiced his throw ins at home. Pat Sweeney arrived with a worrying amount of facial hair which could only mean one thing... he hadn't shaved in two and a half weeks. Ronan Boyzone arrived still feeling the effects of the weekend according to himself, obviously not realising that this was in fact Wednesday and the week was half over. Graham Barret made a welcome return but it has been mentioned that he may have lost some of his flair and it seems married life has taken its toll on the once dedicated star. PJ Murphy and Pat Forde started at the heart of the defence, proving their worth once again in keeping out a determined attack from the Dutch Goals front men. Kevin Mankin returned for his first appearance since his interview in the Herald where they mis-spelt his name, this time he was out to make sure everyone would get his name right. The Dutch started well, putting together some nice passes and once or twice breaking through the defence but every time Furry was quick to move off his line to intercept, luckily for Chip this time he managed to stop short of the 18 yard line. Boyzone was getting some breaks on the right, and managed to find some space in the box in a rare Chip attack after some great work by Kev and Graham Barrett down the left wing, where Barrett cut inside to the edge of the box and crossed to the far post for Ronan to volley home. Mankin soon added another in a counter-attack which left the opposition stunned; 2 chances for Chip and 2 goals to the good. Even the ref swallowed his whistle in shock. Ward was running his heart out up front and was invloved in an incident with a Dutch defender after Pat Sweeney had floated a ball into his path. Falling dramatically to the ground nobody believed him when he declared himself injured and was carried off, maybe he had been watching too much of Keane and Beckham the night before. It turns out that his injury is in fact genuine and will keep him out for at least a week. As he shuffled his way over to the bench he noticed that the fine bird who had been standing there was leaving, it seemed it just wasn't to be his day but he was yet to leave his mark on the game, coming back on for 5 minutes and setting up Mankin for Chip's second goal. In fact, Mankin could have added another but fluffed his shot, he was too busy texting a mystery recipient on his mobile phone. He has since been banned from texting while on the pitch, this should be kept for at home in Rathmines where it is reported he enjoys bouncing texts to the Kerry mountains and back, romancing certain nieces of former Kerry footballing greats. With the score 2-0 at the interval it seemed this was to be our day, but the onslaught began early in the 2nd half when the Dutch got one back. Garret Thornton raced off his line and end up in a heap with his two centre backs, leaving it open for the Dutch striker to head home into an open net. It was backs to the wall and all-out defence (yet again) as Chip gallantly held on to their advantage, with Furry driving forward forward from midfield having been switched outfield and trying to lead the team on the counter attack, but the last 20 minutes was largely spent in a scrappy midfield battle where sub Mark O'Sullivan also got stuck in to help maintain the one goal lead. Back came the Dutch, and a fierce shot brought a world-class save from substitute keeper Garret Thornton, diving low to his right and turning the ball around the post for a corner. When it seemed as if Chip were destined to hold them off, a long ball over the top split the Chip defense as the little lodmouthed bollox from the opposition had a clear run on goal, but the ref managed to regurgitate his whistle just in time to end the game there and then, preventing the exhausing prospect of extra time. It was off to the pub for the Liverpool match where certain bets were taken by 'The Bookie' Furlong, who gave 10-1 odds on Horgan scoring by the end of the season, 66-1 on Thornton not taking a foul throw in his next appearance and 4-6 on Dempsey getting married within the year.
(BH)

Team: Martin Furlong, Brian Horgan, PJ Murphy, Pat Forde, Garret Thornton, Pat Sweeney, Ronan Boyzone, James Carroll, Graham Barrett, Kevin Martin, Stephen Ward
Subs: Mark O'Sullivan

Save Chip 2 - 1 Purple-Headed Warriors 02/03/02

(O'Connor, Ward)

3 weeks ago Alan Greene of BBC Radio 5live said of Liverpool’s Steven Gerrard vs Ipswich (6-0), that "you can tell a great player by his tackle". Well if the tackle of some of the Chip faithful is anything to go by, this team will one day be world-beaters. Yet Saturday last saw Save Chip barely keep their title challenge on track until match day finale, where upon they will hope to score 25 goals, and see Snatchbox slip up...we live in hope. This game was a hard fought encounter from beginning to end, and then there was the in between, where the Chip players played the roll of ball boy time and again. Chip were without many of their star players including the mercurial Skippy Carroll, the masterful Sparky O’Sullivan, and the malicious Martin. Chip came into the game knowing that only victory could help overcome the public humiliation caused by the "interview" given by publicity guru captain Martin, to some young rookie reporter for some frowned upon 2-bob toilet paper broad sheet. The talk in the dressing room beforehand was of Martin’s public denial of his side’s ambitions, and of those Boca Boateng w*****s who just can’t face the fact that being from Kilmacud does not save them from being pure shite. Left back Thornton was animated in his prayer of a possible cup fixture with the city boys. The game itself was an action packed affair. It commanded the attention of the watching Snatchbox side, cheering every move that the Warriors could muster, so the cheering was fairly limited in the first half. Midfielder O’Connor was subjected to Beckam-esque abuse from both the opposing defenders and his former team mates who chanted "Judas" in between their conflicting "how a ya" accents. Furry was the rock on which the first half performance was built. His Blanc-like surges from defence, sometimes forgetting the ball, spurred Chip on in waves. Trant in centre midfield fought like a lion, while Dillane, sober due to the game’s importance, was also a tower. Chip dominated the first half completely and O’Connor should have opened the scoring when his lob from outside the box went well wide with the keeper stranded. The Rigobert Song lunges into the tackles by Eamon were a constant feature of the game, as he and the ever-willing Horgan shadowed the midget in the white shirt, with stern resilience. In the other fullback position, Thornton as usual picked up his weekly booking. This one is one for the video panel though as he was adjudged to have shirt tugged, when it was more a trip if truth be told. Chip opened the scoring when O’Connor found the top corner with a curled effort, and could have doubled the lead five minutes later after an exquisite touch by the grafting Shiels. The second half saw the introduction of Stephen Ward and Kim, for the influential Furry and the Bollo*ed Eamon. The reshuffling in defence had Chip under pressure for most of the half. Pat O’Sullivan was simply superb in goal as he time and again plastered over some gaping cracks, with a string of magnificent stops. Aidan Trant brought composure to a defence made up of the volatile Thornton, the inexperienced Kim and the rushing Dillane, who wanted to make the pubs in Ballsbridge for 2pm sharp, two hours before the rugby kickoff. The Warriors got back on level terms from a penalty awarded for Paddy Thornton’s collision with the "midget". At this stage Chip were on the rack, and becoming increasingly pissed off with the Snatchbox vocals. The cries of Judas had Stevie wound like a spring, he in turn getting on his team mates backs, which was unappreciated by messrs Horgan, Sweeney, Dempsey & co., who at this stage were running against a brick wall in the Warriors defence. O’Connor should have restored the lead when he ran on to Sweeney’s through ball and only after a sprint with his homosexual marker, he was raped just as he pulled the trigger, and sent the ball careering over the bar. Then Brian Horgan fizzed a screamer just the wrong side of the upright and Thornton got a bout of cramp, this time in his lower limbs. Enter super-sub Wardie with 5 minutes remaining, as he smacked a low centre from O’Connor through a crowded box. The Chippers went mad, the warriors were beat, Dillane was on the 46a and the choir on the sideline went in search of a more appreciating audience. In the showers the joy was clear for all to see as Horgan caught Sheils and Dempsey in an emotional clinch, which made for a tense atmosphere in the car on the way home. The show goes on...
(SOC)

Team: Pat Sullivan, Eamon Walsh, Mark Dillane, Martin Furlong, Paddy Thornton, Brian Horgan, Mick Dempsey, Aidan Trant, Pat Sweeney, David Sheils, Stevie O’Connor
Subs: Stephen Ward, Kim

Save Chip 7 - 1 Stevie Wonders 16/02/02

(Carroll (3), Ward (2), Ronan, Karol)

A Save Chip side on the up gave notice of their intentions in this competition with a 7-1 victory over the depleted Wonders. The Wonders (rumoured to contain several members of the UCD services) were put to the sword by Chip who were themselves missing their Wexford contingent, top chance misser Stevie and part-time player Kevin Martin who somehow found the energy to play a South Kerry division 8 match yet cannot find the time to play for Chip. The game began with a flurry of missed chances for Chip, the worst of which was a 1 yard shot from Paddy which somehow hit the bar but rebounded to debutante Karl Gohery who put Chip 2 up with James having scored the first after a typically jinking run. Chip were then rocked 10 minutes later as the Wonders striker managed to bustle his way past 4 defenders to score a brilliant individual effort. Spurred on by the inspirational words of Paddy (Lets bury these fuckers!) the new centre half partnership of Dillane and O'Brien shored up the Chip defence. 2-1 was the score at half time and a quick call to Chip director of football Kevin Martin led to the introduction of Ronan Coneely in the 2nd half with our resident all rounder Pat Sweeney reverting to centre back in the place of the returning Mark Dillane. The second half fell into a more familiar pattern for Chip with Mick and Sheils controlling the midfield, ever present Brian Horgan giving another cultured display at right back and Steven Ward doing what he does best, playing like Stevie. In fairness to Ward however the pressure that the press have placed on him has not affected his game at all and before the 90 minutes had elapsed 2 rockets from his right peg had rattled the Wonders onion bag. It was somehow inevitable that James Carroll would once again get involved in proceedings and his taunting of the goalkeeper was backed up with action as he completed his 2nd hat trick of the season much to the dismay of Mick who said “We’ll have to hear about this all week”. David Sheils also gave his 2 cents worth as he complained “James never shuts up when he scores, he even recreates the game on a subbuteo table at home with commentary and everything, its just sad”. The 7-1 mauling was completed 6 minutes from the end when substitute Boyzone scored his first of the season and celebrated with a choreographed dance routine made up weeks ago in preparation for this event. The low point of the day for Chip was the unavailability of their influential midfielder Kevin “hacker” Martin. The fans are hoping to get their moneys worth before the end of the season, with an appearance from Martin. Leaving in the words of the famous Brian Clough “Martin is as twice as good as Keano was at 22 years of age, he has a big future ahead of him. Hopefully, he will grace the Premiership sooner rather than later”
(PT)

Team: Pat Sullivan, Eoin O'Brien, Mark Dillane, Brian Horgan, Paddy Thornton, David Sheils, Mick Dempsey, Pat Sweeney, Karol, James Carroll, Stephen Ward
Subs: Ronan Boyzone

Save Chip 3 - 2 Partisan Belgrove 09/02/02

(Jordan (2), Sheils)

Furrymania set in on Saturday last on a windswept UCD pitch as title contenders Save Chip almost threw away a 3 goal lead, thanks to the comedic exploits of Martin Furlong between the posts in a second half filled with drama. 3-0 up at half time, it seemed Chip were going to cruise to victory and even had the audacity to throw on 4 subs for the second 45 minutes. This was not the case however as second half stand-in keeper Furry decided to take matters into his own hands, not to mention the ball - outside the penalty area in fact, which resulted in a free kick to the opposition. The confident Furlong refused Thornton's offer to stand on the line, and the result was painful to watch, as the free kick was guided home by the Partisan striker with Furry unable to do anything but wave at the ball as it shot past him into the corner. Still, the general opinion was that 3-1 would be an acceptable scoreline, until the unthinkable happened - Furry was beaten again as a long-range effort floated past him and into the same corner of the net. There was general panic in the Chip defense until the final whistle, which brought a huge sigh of relief from director of football Kevin Martin on the sideline. Martin, who has retired due to a persistent, self inflicted groin injury, was disgusted by the second half performance, most notably the kickouts and shooting in front of goal. "I haven't seen such inaccuracy since Diana Ross missed that penalty in the opening ceremony of World Cup '94," snapped Martin as he picked the discarded shorts of Paddy Thornton off the dressing room floor as they began to crawl away.
The match had begun with only 9 Chip players on the field, as two first team players (whose names won't be mentioned in this article) were mysteriously left behind in the gents before kick-off. Also, in another stroke of bad luck, the lack of spare shinguards resulted in the unfortunate Thornton having to place two playing cards in his socks in an attempt to fool the ref. Chip began well and it was obvious they were the better side, but it's goals that count and it was up to the strikers and midfield to create an opening which would break the deadlock. Step up Myles Jordan, and in an attempt to cross the ball he managed to lob the goalkeeper and Chip were off the mark. Soon after the opener, midfielder David Sheils let fly from 25 yards and found the bottom corner. Taking off his right boot, Sheils raised it aloft and showed the supporters his mother's name stitched onto the tongue of his predators. "I knew it would bring me luck!", he whooped in delight as the Chip bench sniggered amongst themselves. Resolute defending from the back four kept the opposition out, as right-back Eamon Walsh in particular put in a solid 45 minutes, only to collapse at half time and vow never to play again. Jordan added another cracking strike before the break, this time intentionally, as Chip looked well worth their half time lead. The second half was scrappy in patches, no 'total football' to be seen, with Carroll and Horgan both booting the ball into the bushes and laughing hysterically as the Belgrove players stumbled through the undergrowth to retrieve it each time. A notable contribution came from returning midfielder Dempsey, determined to shun his 'Spice Boy' image and get back into his combative role in the centre of the park, jumping in with studs raised any time the ball came near. Chip held on with some desperate defending for another victory. Unfortunately however, the player's minds can't help but go back to that defeat by Snatchbox which has proved so vital in the title race. With just two games to go in the Superleague, it appears Chip may have to be content with second place.
However, the main talking point after the game was the bizarre behaviour of Ronan "Boyzone", as he was spotted during the game flapping his arms and trying to take off into the wind. It seems a new goal celebration has been born but the question is, does Ronan, like his popstar namesake, have psychological problems? It matters not to the Chip faithful, as long as the results go our way. Roll on the next game, the Cup opener due to be played on Saturday next. The last word in today's player interviews goes to Stevie O'Connor, who was missing from last weekend's action. "I wonder who our cup opposition will be?" Say no more...
(BH)

Team: John Ger, Eamon Walsh, PJ Murphy, Brian Horgan, Paddy Thornton, Martin Furlong, David Sheils, Mick Dempsey, Aidan Trant, Myles Jordan, James Carroll
Subs: Stephen Ward, Pat Sweeney, Ronan Boyzone

Save Chip 1 - 0 Bray City 19/01/02

(Jordan)

No Report.

Team: Pat Sullivan, Eamon Walsh, PJ Murphy, Mark O'Sullivan, Paddy Thornton, Brian Horgan, Martin Furlong, Stevie O'Connor, Pat Sweeney, Myles Jordan, James Carroll
Subs: Stephen Ward, Mick Dempsey

Save Chip 2 - 0 Boca Boateng 12/01/02

(Carroll (2))

Ronald Reagan once said that you can tell a lot about a man's character by his way of eating Jelly Beans, and if Save Chip's resilient victory over last years treble winners is anything to go by then this team spent the entire festive season with it's favourite candy treat. Indeed Kevin Martin's girdle outlined just how far certain members of this team were prepared to go toward strengthening their own character as he ate everything from puddings to pastries and most of in between. Boca Boateng were unbeaten before this game and their title ambitions will have taken a severe bruising at the hands of this rejuvenated Chip side. A pre-Christmas slump had reporters, including this one, writing off their chances of mounting any sort of serious challenge for honours and a place in Europe looked the best that they could hope for. But like United in the English Premiership, Chip proved that a few losses does not a bad team make and showed a fight that was perhaps lacking in the previous losses to Bollard and Snatchbox. But before I start likening Skip Carroll to Ruud V.N let us not get carried away, Boateng dominated for long periods with stand in keeper Pat Sullivan having to produce a Man of the Match performance between the sticks. The Valentia Islander, a last minute replacement for Philly Larkin made five or six outstanding saves and along with fellow Islanders Sparky O' Sullivan and Stevie O'Connor dispelled the notion that all South Kerry folk are injury riddled sacks of smelly poo. Having won the toss Save Chip elected to play with the wind and into the Clonskeagh goals, a superb piece of tactics by the management which paid off almost immediately as a speculative ball over the Boca defense found Skippy one on one with the keeper. A low drive was well parried before the ball was quickly regained by Carroll and dispatched to the roof of the net. Celebrations were somewhat spoiled however when O'Connor kissed Carroll and an awkward silence remains between the two. The pat on the arse from Kev went unnoticed by all except the most observant of viewers but that too will have to be kept an eye on as this team can ill afford to fall back into the Spice Boy image for which they had become known in recent times. It is an image that may be fuelled by rumours in The Sun this week that Martin has recently been seen courting a daughter of a former Kerry great in the hope of breeding some half decent Skellig Rangers. Martin in general seemed to be somewhat out of sorts with a niggling groin problem continuing to give him trouble affecting his performance though he did work tirelessly throughout.........so she said. Indeed having been orchastrator of the tirade of abuse directed Patrick Thornton's way for his foul throws of late, Martin himself was found guilty of same and his descent into the hole of ridicule seems to have reached it's nadir. Carroll had further chances in the half with O' Connor the main provider, a header off the post and one into the keepers hands providing the best opportunities though the accuracy must surely have been affected by thoughts of that "kiss". Behind him Furry had his moments though his inability to knock the opposing curly headed No. 2 on his ass frustrated supporters throughout. O' Connor had a particularly good first half getting down the right side with great aplomb though his most entertaining moment surely the screaming at Sheils as the latter attempted to beat his first player of the season.....on the edge of Save Chip's box. Against the wind in the second half, Chip found it difficult to get a hold of the ball and found themselves on the backfoot for the most part, Boca's midfield of Esso and G passing the ball well and forcing Chip's midfield deep, leaving the front men of Skip and the now comatose Martin, isolated and lacking in support. The back four defended resolutely however with Mark O' Sullivan in particularly fine form, giving an exhibition of heading. Beside him, young Thornton, only recently recovered from a severe bout of piles found the pace tough going and saw yellow as he delivered on his promise to "do" Boca's Louth centerforward as he was skinning him down the wing. Thornton's disciplinary record is now the worst in the league and he is fast developing a reputation as a hacker much like his father, Eamon "Bite Your Bollocks" Thornton. With time running out and Boca pushing hard for an equaliser it looked as if a draw would be inevitable until a poor backpass saw Skippy race through and again find himself one on one with the keeper. Carroll flicked the ball to the right and despite the the goalies attempted rape stayed on his feet long enough to ride the challenge and slot the ball home!! The Stadium erupted, the man, his wife and their dog where elated and their cheers could be heard in as far away Walkinstown, where former Chip striker Mick and his girlfriend were drinking tea and planning the honeymoon. A smile came over Mick as he thought of his old teammates and of the happy times he had at the club. As the final whistle blew, the Chippers made their way from the pitch, tired but alive with victory. Aidan Trant wrapped his arms around PJ in congratulations as Furry worryingly let roar "last one in the showers is......."
(JC)

Team:
Pat Sullivan, Paddy Thornton, Brian Horgan, Mark O'Sullivan, PJ Murphy, Martin Furlong, David Sheils, Aidan Trant, Stevie O'Connor, Kevin Martin, James Carroll
Subs: Pat Sweeney

Save Chip 1 - 2 Snatchbox 20 08/12/01

(Dempsey)

No report.

Team:
Philly Larkin, Paddy Thornton, Brian Horgan, Mark O'Sullivan, Pat Forde, Mick Dempsey, David Sheils, Kevin Martin, Stevie O'Connor, Ricky, James Carroll
Subs: Pat Sweeney

Save Chip 1 - 5 Bollard Bandits 01/12/01

(Furlong)

There is nothing like a good game of football.......and this was nothing like a good game of football. With the Xmas season fast approaching it was clear that some of the Save Chip players had one eye on the turkey and the other on the pudding (Graham) as they embarrassed themselves in a 5-1 defeat at the hands of a committed but by no means overly talented Bollard Bandit side. Wally of the Week goes to left full, David Kearns, who spent most of the game thinking of ingenious ways to get out of kissing Granny at this years "Kearns Xmas Dinner", the Bandits fourth goal coming after an .....interesting .......throw fell to the feet of a Bollard midfielder amidst the cries of "No Granny, not on the lips". He was later heard yelling, "Oh thanks so much for those lovely socks you knitted me" and "ooooh Gran you shouldn't have, a PS2". Regular left back Paddy Thornton meanwhile could not attend the game due to terrible piles, an ailment which won't be aided by the kicks in the hole the management have planned for him this weekend given the short notice of his unfortunate absence. Though it would be foolish to summarise the game as a series of individual errors......I'm sure as hell going to try as this Save Chip team has much potential and perhaps a loss in this manner will go some way in ensuring that players stop reading all that's been written about them on the message board and start performing on the green turf of Chip Stadium. To this end the management have banned all Sky Sports personalities from the website (bar Kirtsy Gallagher and Kenny's Dalglish's daughter). Oddly enough given the tardiness of Barrett (woman troubles) and Horgan (having a drink in the sports bar!!!!) the game started brightly enough for the Chippers with Skippy and Stevie creating half chances for the midfield though the question has to be asked as to the merits of Skip creating crosses when perhaps he should be in the box on the end of them and it will give Assistant manager Kev Martin food for thought over the coming days. Indeed Skip looked out of sorts in general, his knee clearly hampering his running (i.e one-dimensional) game and a long layoff looks more than likely. Exchanges remained relatively even in the opening half hour until a speculative shot by the Ballards bounced off Philly's legs and into the path of an onrushing striker. As to the whereabouts of the Save Chip defense, it is thought that the smell of drink off Mark Dillane had them in temporary comas and it remained so for much of the game. Minutes later a long ball was lobbed over the head of the now merry Martin Furlong and was kicked into the net just moments before Delane could puke on his own boots. So 2-0 at half time and in between talk of what a good draw Ireland had got in the World Cup, changes were made, those who were drunk were moved into the positions of those who were sober and visa versa, a masterful switch from Kev Martin which reaped immediate rewards as Skippy somehow rebounded the ball to Furry on the edge of the 6 yard box for him to smash home and give some semblance of hope to the fan on the sideline. Minutes later the turning point in the game arrived with Stevie one on one with the keeper and with the chance of levelling this dull encounter. Suffice to say there is an old adage with the words bulls, arse and shovel and Stevie hung his head in shame in what many have since said was "as bad as if Kev or Skip had kicked it themselves". He struggled after that in the knowledge that everyone was sniggering at him and wishing for him to fall over. At 2-1 though there was still hope and the Chippers pushed for an equalizer clearly on top in the final third of the field. This push was eventually halted when the Bandits converted a penalty after Chip's midfield had been cut to ribbons by the skill of a really small little person (wasn't he cute). By this time Brian Horgan had just joined the game and it was a case of better late than never for the 5th goal as he mirrored his fellow backs in swinging at mid air as balls passed through the sieve that had until recently been a pretty sound defense. In the end the referee even felt somewhat embarrassed for the Chippers as he blew the final whistle as another one-on-one presented itself for the now rampant Bandits. You'll notice that this report contains very little from the Midfield.......a bit like Saturday really. I will say though that they worked tirelessly throughout.........the post match togging in process and only for Mick's shower gel they would have continued to stink. As it was Furry spoke of love and laughter, of wine and of women and all was good once more. Sorry Chip but Sarah definitely won this one.
(JC)

Team:
Philip Larkin, Eamonn Walsh, Mark Dillane, David Kearns, Martin Furlong, Stevie O'Connor, Aidan Trant, David Sheils, Mick Dempsey, James Carroll, Graham Barrett
Subs: Brian Horgan, Pat Sweeney

Save Chip 4 - 2 Locomotiv Leicester 24/11/01

(Ricky (2), Dempsey, Furlong)

Save Chip banished their memory of an ignominious defeat at the hands of the same opposition with a display of power and panache at Roebuck on Saturday. Missing the mercurial free-scoring James Carroll, the hard working David Sheils, the inspirational Kevin Martin, the creative flair of Graham Barrett and the cat-like qualities of Philly Larkin, Chip were bolstered by the return of "Party Boy" Mick Dempsey to the fold.
The game started briskly as the 11 men of Chip somehow found it difficult to contain the 9 men of Locomotiv. Save Chip's cause wasn’t helped when star winger Eamonn Walsh had to leave the arena with a suspected case of hangoveritis (we wish him a speedy recovery). Chip however took a deserved lead and it was ironic that the man who had been vilified in the Frankfort boot room team meetings would score the first goal. Mick, who recently denied tabloid rumours about a mystery romance with Myra, stuck 2 fingers up to all his critics with a chip of immense quality which caught even himself by surprise. The rest of the half was a mundane affair with the now 10 men of Locomotiv unsuccessfully trying to break down a defence marshalled ably by Pat and PJ 'Rock' Murphy. Chip had a goal disallowed late in the 2nd half as Aidan Trant proved that he had lost none of his basketball ability by trying to palm the ball into the net.
The 2nd Half began with the now 11 men of Locomotiv searching desperately for an equaliser. Time and time again the immense frame of John Ger Murphy in the Chip goal plugged the hole and rumours of a swoop by Alex Ferguson for this young keeper are not without their merit. On 60 minutes however the holes appearing became too large and Locomotiv grabbed a deserved leveller. It was at this stage that Kevin 'Shanks' Martin said those immortal words- "Go on there son and make a name for yourself."
Pat our esteemed centre half had informed us that his mate Ricky was "not bad" and so it proved as the steamboat rocked Locomotiv and sent the Chip fans into ecstasy with a 2 goal salvo which proved to be the difference between the sides at the end, although both sides swapped goals in the final 15 minutes - Chip's proving to be their contender for goal of the season from the cultured right foot of Martin Furlong. The heart had already been ripped out of Locomotiv and Chip went to celebrate a famous victory. The only sour note however was the sending off of Fintan O’Connell who will now face a disciplinary committee over his actions. This reporter understands that Bray Utd have made a bid for the unsettled youngster but those at Frankfort have refused to confirm.
(PT)

Team:
John Ger, Paddy Thornton, Brian Horgan, Pat Costello, Martin Furlong, Mick Dempsey, Eamonn Walsh, David Kearns, Aidan Trant, Stevie O'Connor
Subs: Fintan O'Connell, Ronan, Ricky-Gunnar Solskjaer

Save Chip 1 - 0 The Dons 17/11/01

(Martin)

The League campaign kicked off in earnest last Saturday with The Dons playing home to a wounded Save Chip team. While "The Chippers", as they have affectionately come to be known, never really got out of the starting blocks it is a credit to their limited ability that they survived what was a severe test from a Dons team full of heart, committment and no little talent. The back four set the foundations for the 1-0 victory with Martin Furlong giving a man of the match display, the likes of which have not been seen since Kev Martin Snr last laced his boots in Skellig Rangers most recent Championship win, over 14 years ago. From his pre-match warm up to his post game shower he gave it 110%, the shampooing in particular gave a lesson to all around how to treat those delicate curls while still giving the hair colour and body. Beside him Mark Dillane gave a masterclass in defending as he cleared ball after glorious ball. Patrick Thornton had his best outing of the campaign and it looks like the relieving him of throwing duties has certainly benefited his game, though to he has a core of fans who come just to see him throw and he didn't let them down by fouling with his first attempt. At one stage in the second half the golden jumpered father of the two still drunk Carrolls commented "Jesus, Paddy is your best player", and on the day only Furry could argue with that. The midfield had their moments, they put in lots of tackles, passed well and shot accurately........but then the game started and the pre-match kick about was soon forgotten. As previously stated the Carroll boys looked more like winos than winners though Skippy did break down the wing to cross for the only goal of the game, a beautifully placed header by Martin Jnr. Graham Barrett was clearly thinking of the night ahead in Kilkenny as he strolled through the game without really making the impact that he often promised. He admitted in confidence to Skippy in the shower afterward that he was little anxious about his girlfriends pregnancy test. But that's neither here nor there. Not for the first time this year, the recently out of retirement, Kev Martin had to leave the field with injury. Not the chronic calf mind that has curtailed his performances this year but a groin injury presumably picked up the night he brought home that 16 stone French girl, but again that was something told to this reporter in confidence and I will not say anymore on this. He has subsequently recirculated his retirement announcement......until the next day. To end on a sour note, those who follow the team closely will have read elsewhere on this site with much sadness about the demise into the den of inequity of Sheils and Dempsey. We hope for their redemption and plead with the powers that be to return them to the footballing field where they belong. A minutes silence for David the Pedarist and Mick the Sodomist. We will never forget you.
(JC)

Team:
John Ger, Paddy Thornton, Brian Horgan, Mark Dillane, Martin Furlong, Michael Carroll, Kevin Martin, David Kearns, Aidan Trant, Graham Barrett, James Carroll
Subs: Ronan

Save Chip 3 - 4 Locomotiv Leicester 10/11/01

(O'Connor, Trant, Carroll)

This bad -tempered affair ended in farce when referee Mr. Bastard awarded Leicester a disputed own goal 5 minutes from time. It was rough justice on a Save Chip side who had battled back from 3-1 to draw 3-3 through a thunderbolt from Aidan Trant with 12 minutes to go. Stevie "G" O'Connor proved to be both hero and villain for chip on this occasion, first scoring a "Barnes-esque" free kick to draw chip level in the first half, indeed our "injured" star James Carroll was heard to mumble -"what can you about that-absolutely nothing". Stevie however was to fall foul of Mr. Bastard and with 20 minutes to go was red-carded for floating the ball in the direction of his gypsy opponent. Kev was to say later in the management meeting " He should have done something proper like kick him in the balls". Another one of our 13 heroes was Philly "the cat" Larkin who performed heroics in goals not least sparing the blushes of Kevin "I never touched him" Martin by saving a first half penalty. The game livened up in the second half with scuffles and goals aplenty. The introduction of James Carroll for the tired Brian Horgan meant a repositioning for Mick Dempsey to right back where the shock of having to run almost proved too much for him- "This running shite is not all its cracked up to be" was a frequent moan for those in Frankfort to listen to. The finish to the game was as frantic as it was bizarre, the comeback complete through goals from James and Aidan. Chip looked to settle for a draw and were looking good until the aforementioned decision which drew gasps of disbelief and a few statements of "Bollox!" from the Chip players. The result was of little consequence however as Chip did enough to take their rightful place in Premier division of the Superleague.
(PT)

Team:
Philip Larkin, Paddy Thornton, Brian Horgan, Mark Dillane, Mark O'Sullivan, Martin Furlong, Kevin Martin, Aidan Trant, Stevie O'Connor, David Sheils, Mick Dempsey
Subs: Eamon Walsh, James Carroll

Save Chip 1 - 0 Bray City 3/11/01

(Teahan)

A stellar defensive display from a patchwork Chip side was enough to keep their undefeated streak going against a committed Bray side. The team, which contained no less than 6 Kerry men, saw their early goal from one of the kingdom boys Colin Teahan take the wind out of Bray United in the first half and indeed were very comfortable until the break. Lead at the back by John "Wobble legs" Burns who appeared after a last minute breathalyser test, Chip restricted Bray to long-range efforts which were comfortably dealt with by returning keeper Philly Larkin. A dour first half was only livened up by the barracking of a services employee who threatened to "take the smile off your fucking face" when questioned about his lack of job prospects. The 2nd half took on a slightly different proposition as Bray began to take a hold on proceedings helped by the hill, but chip marshalled in Midfield by Kev "perm" Martin and Pat "Der Kaiser" Costello. Chip's destructive play was reminiscent of the great Skellig team of the past whose players were never the best but could stop a good man from playing. In the end though Chip held out for a famous victory and when told of his team's triumph via satellite phone, James, who was scouting future opponents commented "I never thought ye useless hoors would win without me". An emotional Brian Horgan later described it as the best day of his life while the Kerry boys simply chattered to themselves in the dressing room in a strange foreign language.
(PT)

Team:
Philip Larkin, Paddy Thornton, Brian Horgan, Mark Dillane, Pat, Fintan O'Connell, Kevin Martin, Pat Costello, Aidan Trant, Stevie O'Connor, Colin Teahan
Subs: David Kearns

Save Chip 4 - 2 The Dons 20/10/01

(Dempsey (2), Sheils, Carroll)

Save Chip entered this match brimming with confidence from their 1st round game in which they put seven past the opposition. Manager James Carroll's pre-match team talk was kept short: "Lads does anyone know which pitch we're playing on? Someone ask yer man over there.." The atmosphere before the game was buoyant, statements like "We'll have to go for eight this time", "God we're brilliant aren't we" and "Where's that guy who was taking all the foul throws last week?" were heard in the dressing room as only captain Kevin Martin remained level-headed. He paraded around the dressing toom randomly slapping players across the face to keep their minds on the game in hand. "We're not Manu-fucking-nited in the Worthington Cup like!" he roared, commanding instant respect amongst his peers. Someone in the corner began to cry. There were many changes to the starting lineup from the first game; Furlong and Barrett were rested while Sheils and Dempsey exchanged places, the former was moved up front to utilise his lightning speed and supreme heading ability. It was to prove a masterstroke as both players found themselves on the scoresheet after the 90 minutes had elapsed.
The match itself began at a frantic pace, with Chip getting the best of the early exchanges, although Chip keeper Stevie O'Connor was on the receiving end of a two-footed lunge as he raced off his line and slid to gather the ball. After fifteen minutes there was jubilation amongst the Chip fans as Carroll was put through and raced on to finish expertly for the opening goal. If the first game was anything to go by, the law of averages meant his team-mates expected him to miss another nine. Dempsey, the Chip right winger, somehow managed two great goals despite making only two runs in the entire game, a statistic which would make Terry Venables with his Pro-Zone machine turn pale. Drifting in off the right wing as Chip attacked on the left, he was in the right place at the right time on both occasions, firstly scoring off the near upright with a rising shot and ten minutes later hitting the opposite bottom corner with a well directed strike. The Dons attacked with gusto and scored two in the first half, one a long range effort that drifted over the keeper as Stevie attempted a Rene Higuita special with disastrous results, the other because of a defensive slip - confusion among the back four as nobody knew each others' name. "Just who the fuck is Ger McManus anyway?" asked a puzzled Eamon Walsh. After quite an eventful 45 minutes the score was 3-2 and Chip had their noses in front. The second half turned into a midfield battle, with few chances for either side. Midfielder Kevin Martin was the difference between the sides, winning every tackle and header that came his way. Yet it seemed that Chip needed another goal to clinch the victory, and so the stage was set for a great finish to the game, and between their two strikers Chip fashioned a goal which Sunderland would have been proud of. The tireless Carroll chased another long range pass and managed to get a low cross in. All heads turned towards the Dons' penalty area as Sheils drifted between two defenders. It seemed he was reliving childhood memories as he was heard to mumble "Houghton!" before emulating the great Ray's wonder goal against England in 1988. His low header came up awkwardly off the turf and the keeper was beaten. Chip had the cushion we so badly wanted. Sheils then made a beeline for the corner flag to execute his much anticipated "Sheils Shuffle", only to stop short in disgust as there was no corner flag to be found. His expression of disappointment soon changed to panic as the ref asked him his name for the records. "Dav.. em, er,... Eamon Mulvaney!" was his delighted reply. A close call all round on this occasion.
(BH)

Team:
Stevie O'Connor, Brian Horgan, Mark O'Sullivan, PJ Murphy, Eamon Walsh, Kevin Martin, David Kearns, Mick Dempsey, John Ger, David Sheils, James Carroll
Subs: Mark Dillane

Save Chip 7 - 1 Stonecutters 13/10/01

(Carroll (3), O'Connell, E.Furlong, Barrett, Cathal)

An air of expectation pervaded the Save Chip dressing room before this, the opening fixture of the UCD League Cup. Chants of "Save Chip" and "I love you, Mick" could be heard as far away as Raharney, where the locals still speak of Sheils and the old brown ball that was to be his ticket out of the shithole that had mired many a promising young man. With players of the caliber of Kevin "Bite your legs" Martin, David "Bullitt" Sheils and Paddy "The Pitcher" Thornton the crowd outside knew that if nothing else, the game would have incident. And they weren't disappointed, as early as the second minute Dempsey bore down on goal, his shot hitting the corner flag in what was to be a frustrating afternoon for the front men. Both Kev and Skippy had chances for goals before Skippy was played in beautifully by Mick, who had just regained feeling in his feet having covered 4 blades of grass in the previous 20 mins. The celebration was outlandish and reminded of Mallrats and Brodie Bruce, snoochie boochies. Skippy added another and missed 4 more as the half ended 2-0. At this point the crowd was beginning to get anxious, Sheils had yet to touch the ball and Paddy had only amassed 4 foul throws though his booking went some way to restoring his reputation. Building on the strong defense of Mark Dillane and Fertile Furry, the second half was a rout. A David Sheils shot, straight from a corner, was bounced in off O'Connell and to the amazment of all Sheils claimed credit and lost the respect of his fellow peers. He celebrated alone with his arms aloft by the corner while the players engulfed Fintan with tears of joy. Alone and isolated he was replaced a few minutes later and watched greenly as the 3 substitutes all scored. Beside him the ignominious figure of the warrior Martin had had enough misses for a lifetime and lay quitely on the ground. He too somewhat broken. Eddie Furlong broke free down the left and was pulled down about 15 yards outside the box, slotting the subsequent penalty home. Graham and Cathal added goals before Skippy completed the hat-trick (tks Furry).......so that's it......oh yeah at some stage The Stonecutters scored too.
(JC)

Team:
Stevie O'Connor, Brian Horgan, Mark Dillane, Martin Furlong, Paddy Thornton, Pat Costello, Kevin Martin, Graham Barrett, David Sheils, James Carroll, Mick Dempsey
Subs: Eddie Furlong, Fintan O'Connell

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