Aries
I know you think that dressing like a member of Nirvana is cool, but you are severely mistaken. The grunge look is deader than Kurt Cobain. Get some new clothes and wash your hair. Your lucky shampoo is Head & Shoulders.

Taurus
Whoever invented take-out food was a genius right? I mean, how would you have survived all these months without it? There.s just one problem, your skin is greasier than a kebab and your face is starting to resemble a pizza. Your lucky spot cream is Clearasil.

Gemini
Your best friend has gone off fruit picking and you.re still stuck in the city trying to find work. Just one question . why didn.t you go with them you muppet? Your lucky website is www.jobsearch.gov.au/harvesttrail.

Cancer
Although it is true that the weather is getting increasingly colder, that.s really no excuse to stay in doors like some kind of weird recluse. Get a grip it.s not that cold - you.re from Europe for God.s sake. Your lucky item of clothing is a Fleece.

Leo
What is with this obsession with your next door neighbour? True, they are good looking but if you don.t stop spying on them from your window you.ll never be in with a chance of getting anything more than a dirty look. Ask to borrow some sugar. Your lucky coffee is Nescafe.

Virgo
It may be fun to steal toilet rolls from your local library and hang out on street corners trying to scav money from passers-by, but you really need to find a job before you become eligible to sell the Big Issue. Your lucky job website is www.careerone.com.au.

Libra
Is there a reason for your current diet of noodles and cup-a-soups? They are packed full of crap, don.t do you any good and have as much taste as a water biscuit. Get down to Coles and buy yourself a hearty soup pack. Your lucky dietary supplement is Vitamin C.

Scorpio
The witty banter between you and your colleague was amusing to listen to at first, but now everyone.s sick of hearing it and just wishes you.d both hurry up and get it on. Strap on a pair and ask them out. Your lucky date location is the cinema.

Sagittarius
Being cautious with your hard earned cash is beneficial in the long term. However, you.ve been holding onto your wallet so tightly lately that you.ve forgotten that the point of actually coming to Australia in the first place was to have a good time. Your lucky bank is ANZ.

Capricorn
Coming home at 1am and blasting out music is really impressing your roommates isn.t it? They listen to your tunes and think: .Wow that person.s really cool,. don.t they? No, they think you are a noisy, arrogant arsehole. Your lucky accessory is a personal walkman.

Aquarius
Walking around like the big .I Am. is just going to cause you trouble. No one wants to get into a punch-up but you seemed determined for it to happen. You are in for an ass kicking of epic proportions. Your lucky film is Enter The Dragon.

Pisces
You may have had more shags in this past week than your mates have the whole time they.ve been here, but you.re impressing no one with your attitude. No one likes a show off and no one likes you. Your lucky unpopular celebrity is Jodie Marsh.