To Yuko (31-10-1999)

My heart burns with
a low heat,
rumbles in my chest,
with occasional stabs
of remembering pain.
What have i done,
all are loved,
all are lost.
I wander in the
wilderness, lonely
without a guide.
I long for the confort
of a father's arms, a
mother's words. My
God, why have I forsaken
Thee.
I float away on a river
of searching, a torrent
of confusion - rushing
through my brain,
screaming at every turn,
no way out, no light,
all are loved, all are
lost
None will stay, all are
longed for. I want,
I can't, but still I yearn.
Torn between heart and mind
my body falls asunder.
My tortured brain screams,
and my heart screams back.
Screams of pain,
of hurt, of
unconfidable thoughts,
deeds - a secret
life. A closed
door. How can
I communicate to
a world so alien.
I do not belong.
Here. Anywhere.
Home is where
the heart is. Not
anymore. Not
anywhere. Crushed
beneath a mountain
of ruin - a shaking
pile. I cannot
tell, they cannot
help - loneliness
like a fog-
shrouded island.
The mists part,
but no hope is
found. Darkness
is coming.