To Raphaelle (12-6-2000)
How to make someone crumble:
Tell them that you're not in love with them anymore.
Watch as they try to comprehend the crashing of their world.
Agree with them that you'll still be friends.
I'm sorry.
How to make someone crumble:
A son tells his father that everything, is for nothing.
That he betrayed his faith in him.
That he's sorry.
I'm sorry.
How to make someone crumble:
Tell an old woman that her husband is dead.
Tell her that you're sorry.
I'm sorry.
The stench, the filth.
Wraps around me like a thick vapor.
Chokes me.
I can't breathe.
It is the smell of rotteness.
Of decay. Of desctruction.
From within.
I hate the world, and it hates me back.
I shout at it, who cares?
Who listens?
No-one.
Alone, once again.
More than before.
More than ever.
I'm sorry.
I cry myself to sleep,
to unconsiousness,
to the brief escape.
But I'm still sorry.