Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced
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Belief is no substitute for arithmetic
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A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking
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If you torture the data long enough, it will confess
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Variables won't; constants aren't
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You are 97% water; the other 3% keeps you from drowning
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Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket
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I am firm. You are obstinate. He is a pig-headed fool
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If it were not for lawyers, we wouldn't need them
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It is a mistake to allow any mechanical object to realize you are in a hurry
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The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits
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The way some people find fault, you'd think there was a reward
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Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest
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You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.
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Few things are harder to put up with than a good example
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I agree with what you say, but I will kill you if you say it again
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No name, no matter how simple, can be correctly understood over the phone
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Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday
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These are my principles. If you don't like them, I have others
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What if there were no hypothetical situations?
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They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist...
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char*s="char*s=%c%s%c;main(){printf(s,34,s,34);}";main(){printf(s,34,s,34);}
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Black holes are where God divided by zero
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Remove ambiguities and convert to specifics
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State the problem in words as clearly as possible
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Use 'unqualified' people
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How would you have done it?
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So much insanity, so little time...
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You're trapped in a maze of twisty little UNIX variants, all similar
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This may come as a shock to some, but Unix does have its good points
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I shall explain this by waving my hands about in an appropriate manner
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There are no kernel hackers in Ireland. They spend all their time in the pub
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I don't *like* money, actually, but it quiets my nerves
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A man without religion is like a fish without a bicycle
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Speak the truth, but leave immediately after
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The best way to get praise is to die
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He can expand the smallest idea into the most words of any man I ever met
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When in doubt, mumble
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When in trouble, delegate
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A team effort is a lot of people doing what I say
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An expert is anyone from out of town
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In making decisions, you don't start with facts; you start with opinions
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Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity
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Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse
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Rank does not intimidate hardware
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A critic is a man who knows the way but can't drive the car
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There is nothing more obnoxious than someone else's good luck
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A polar bear is a rectangular bear after a coordinate transform
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Hero-worship is mostly idol gossip
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Start every day off with a smile and get it over with
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Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand
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Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
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WARNING: Do not look into laser with remaining eye!
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Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later
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Information's pretty thin stuff unless mixed with experience
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Inside every large program is a small program struggling to get out
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It is easier to write an incorrect program than understand a correct one
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Logic is a system whereby one may go wrong with confidence
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Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle
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Profanity is the language all programmers know best
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Whenever two programmers meet to criticize their programs, both are silent
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The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum
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Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse
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Verbing weirds language
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The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face
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The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw
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Since you're clearly mad as a mongoose, I'll bid you good-day
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My every path is shrewn with cowpats from the devils own satanic herd
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Man will never reach the moon regardless of all future scientific advances
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There is no likehood man can ever tap the power of the atom
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Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons
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I think there is a world market for maybe five computers
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There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home
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Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible
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Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value
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Everything that can be invented has been invented
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Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction
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I will not torment the emotionally frail
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The beatings will continue until morale improves
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No man is an island, but I've met some peninsulas
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Rule #1 is, don't sweat the small stuff. Rule #2 is, it's all small stuff
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The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it
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A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of
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I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult
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If At First You Don't Succeed... Get New Batteries
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When The Blind Leadeth The Blind... Get Out Of The Way
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My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through
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Shooting is not too good for my enemies
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I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them
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I will not turn into a snake. It never helps
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Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices
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I will never accept a challenge from the hero
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My force-field generators will be located inside the shield they generate
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Be an Operative for the Administration and Enforcement of Natural Selection
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Men are from Linux, women are from BSD
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All features I want take 1 hour, all features I don't want take 99 years.
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For Help: echo '16i[q]sa[ln0=aln100%Pln100/snlbx]sbA0D4D465452snlbxq'|dc
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