1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before
2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits
3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits
4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After
The Game
5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet
Too
6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His
7. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First
8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking
9. Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging
10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire
11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up
12. Introduction to Parking
13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space
14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat
15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter
16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption
17. Cooking III: How not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People
18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully
19. PMS: "Poor me syndrome" Your Problem . . . Not His
20. Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To
21. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have
22. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women
Notice
23. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together
24. Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both
25. TV Remotes: For Men Only
26. The Toilet: You can learn to leave the seat up
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't
ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up, put it down.
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests
to see if
we can find the perfect present once again.
5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect
an
answer you don't want to hear.
6. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live
with it.
7. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are
prepared to
discuss such topics as wax worms vs. grubs, the shotgun formation,
and
carburetors.
8. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the
changing of the tides. Let it be.
9. Shopping is not a sport.
10. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
11. You have enough clothes.
12. You have too many shoes.
13. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but
don't expect us to like it.
14. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
15. No, we don't know what day it is. We never will.
Mark
anniversaries on a calendar.
16. Yes, whizzing standing up is more difficult than peeing
from
point-blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
17. Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes... what makes
you think
we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would
look
good with your dress?
18. "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers.
19. A headache that lasts for 17 days is a problem.
See a doctor.
20. Your Mom doesn't have to be our best friend.
21. Films starring Barbara Streisand are rated GNO (Girls
Night Out).
22. Check your oil.
23. Don't give us rules.
24. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than
deceived.
25. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take
the cosmo
quiz together.
26. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible
in an
argument. All comments become null and void after 2 days.
27. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls,
don't expect
us to act like soap opera guys.
28. If something we said could be interpreted two ways,
and one of
the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
29. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women,
how can we know
how pretty you are?
30. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come
out.
31. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how
you want it
done, not both.
32. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to
say during
commercials.
33. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither
do we.
34. Women wearing Wonderbras and low cut blouses lose their
right to
complain about having their boobs stared at.
35. Consider Golf a mini vacation from you. We need
it, just like
you do.