Remember the book "Men are from Mars,
Women are from Venus"? Well, here’s a prime example offered by an
English professor at an American University.
In-class Assignment for Wednesday "Today we will experiment with a new
form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person
will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate
right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story.
The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph
to the story.The first person will then add a third paragraph, and
so on back and forth.
Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order
to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking and anything
you wish to say must be written on the paper. The story is over when both
agree a conclusion has been reached.
The following was actually turned in by two of my English students:
Rebecca and Gary - last names deleted.
STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn’t decide which kind of tea she wanted.
The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home,
now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times,
that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep
her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought
about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was
out of the question.
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the
attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things
to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named
Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S.
Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator.
"Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he
could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted
a hole through his ship’s cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent
him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not
before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing
the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth
stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon
4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie
read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her
and bored her.She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth -
when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers
to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder
at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one’s innocence
to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds
to live.Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu’udrian mothership launched
the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks
who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through congress
had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were
determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage
of the treaty the Anu’udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough
firepower to pulverize the entire planet.With no one to stop them,they
swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered
the atmosphere unimpeded. The President,in his top-secret mobile submarine
headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably
massive explosion which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other
Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We
can’t allow this! I’m going to veto that treaty! Let’s blow
‘em out of the sky!"
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature.
My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.
Yeah? Well, you’re a self-centered tedious neurotic whose
attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I
have camomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of FUCKING TEA??? Oh
no I’m such a air headed bimbo who reads too many Mills &
Boon novels."
Asshole.
Bitch.
Wanker.
Slut.
Get fucked.
Eat shit.
FUCK YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!
Go drink some tea - whore.