Ali G's Driving Tips
"I as been driving since I was 12, but recently me desided to
get a real
driving lisence. However, when I went for a lesson, this ponce
sat in me
car and tried to make me drive like a batty man. Don't
worrie, I gave
im a one inch punch like Bruse Lee, but because of this, I as decided
to
pass on me driving knowlage to all ya massive for free. Read through
me tips
and than you is ready for even long trips (like down to McDonnalds).
Wicked".
Tip 1 - Make sure your car is safe
You is gonna lose marks if ya car is a wreck. May I suggest you
get an MOT
first (Me mate Dave will sell ya one for £20 - Just tell
im Ali said).
Also, make sure all 8 of ya speakers is workin' at there best
(be careful
that the clutch pedel don't damage that 20" bass bin). Tinted
windows and
UV lights may also win you marks wid the instructer.
Tip 2 - Make sure its safe for you to drive
Its a well known fact that if you is a woman (thats 1 in 2 people
in the UK),
you will not be able to drive. Batty men shouldn't drive either.
Tip 3 - Drinking and Driving
You should never drink drive (not even if its rainin'). You could
'it a
bump an' spill ya drink - Aye. No, me is messin', don't do it.
Tip 4 - Listen for your Instructer
If you can hear your instructer shouting at you, then your music
aint loud enough you is probably listening to the wrong music, may
I
suggest Drum and Bass or Rap.
Tip 5 - Use the proper equipment
When your instructer asks you to start the car, remember that
you is supposed to use the proper key, not a screwdriver.
Tip 6 - Changing Gears
This is an important part of drivin' and I hope you is payin'
attention. There are two main gears you will use, thats 4 and 5. I
suggest
using 5th in residental areas, and 4th if you is driving on a field
or somthin'.
Tip 7 - Breaking and Corners
Breaking and corners 'ave alot in common. You need to be
usin'
the handbreak for both.
Tip 8 - Correct Signaling
Remember that the horn and headlights aint just for gettin' the
attention
of that bitch wid the short skirt. They is best used to cuss
at other
drivers if they is goin' too slow (ie 90 mph).
Tip 9 - Advanced warning signs and Speed limits
I aint sure what these things are. You can make about £30
stealing them
though. AYE!
Tip 10 -
Dat's it, you is now a safe driver. You will be able to spend
hours
sat in the carpark at MFI wid da Drum and Bass pumpin out.
Wicked!