Keane Kong This week, the football film "Keane Kong" opens in Irish cinemas. Set in 2005, this movie charters the expedition of an MUTV camera crew to explore the legend of a giant Gorilla named Keane Kong. On arrival in Manchester, the crew discover the that Kong is a real creature, living in an environment that has been protected by fat cats since pre-Sky TV times. Before any of the footage from the expedition can be utilised however, the crew are faced with Kong's fiery Dinosaur enemy, Fergasaurous. Convinced that Kong is seeking to destroy the balance of power in his fiefdom, Fergasaurous has the beast banished forever. Without somewhere permanent to move to, it seems iminent that Kong is going to go on a violent rampage, as reported from legendary battles against the Norweigasaurous. Fortunately, Kong encounters a blonde of a different species, with whom he goes for daily constitutionals and ultimately finds inner peace in the most unlikely of partnerships.

Behold the ferocious Keane Kong After weeks of soul searching, Kong is influenced to move to the metropolis of Glasgow where he is destined to see out the rest of his days performing for Irish Glasweigans in an extraordinary display of bad taste. But how long will this initial mutual utopia last?