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In a bid to attract a more sophisticated class of drinker to their
bars, publicans have
been experimenting with alternatives to the hugely successful "Who
wants to be a millionaire?"
machines. The latest craze in a ridiculous wave of such fads
appears to be the humble
phonebook. Cheap to install and maintain, it appears that the
phonebook has the advantage
in the longevity stakes. While it is still unclear what the exact
attraction of the
phonebooks are, statistics show* that bars without phone books
produce a lower annual turnover.
Observations of punters' interaction with these devices has proven
that the violent
tendencies normally associated with the mass consumption of
alcohol are transferred to
playful phonebook fights, causing minimal damage to the premises.
This also has the added benefit of making the bearers
of these arms thirstier, thus boosting profits even further.
As part of a fact finding mission, The Fallon Times
infiltrated a so-called "Twelve Pubs of Christmas" party
in Temple Bar, Dublin. One member of this group of lager louts,
Lave Dillis, told us that "The general consen.....
conshen.... cons..... feeling sho far shanight
is schthat even though the phonebooks are obv...obv....obvioushly
being used in a cynical fashion, we just
can't resisht. We just have to pick them up and play with them.
I'm not pished you know". After nursing
a sore head from a playful whack administered with the phonebook
Mr Dillis had been holding,
The Fallon Times is still to be convinced about the
phonebook fad, as well as the bearer's declared
level of sobriety.
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The latest craze
*Statistics may be fabricated to facilitate filler material.
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