Irish Rail's notorious incompetence reached new lows this week with the revelation that
they have managed to lose one of the company's mainline trains.
Passengers on the Westport to Dublin
Line texted frustrated messages home, venting their anger at the mixup. The bored passengers
don't know exactly where they are, but it is thought that they are stranded on a section of
track somewhere between Roscommon and Athlone. They say there have been no announcements over
the "loud" speaker yet, but they are expecting one any hour now. This practice, of course, is
the norm for Irish Rail.
The Fallon Times contacted the railway operator yesterday for a comment. We were read
a statement which informed us that the Train left Westport at "sum time lasht weak" [sic], and
that they are doing their very best to locate the 160 metre long convoy. "We're not there yet,
but we're getting there" was the official line.
Apparently, the passengers are in good spirits
and they are surviving on a diet, consisting exclusively of the "exchellent valya" confectionary
and sandwiches available from the catering trolley.
