Race for the Prize
Following the resignation of Peter Reid, there was no shortage of Irish men linked with the Sunderland job. There was Mick McCarthy, David O'Leary and even Niall Quinn. Now, in a The Fallon Times exclusive, we can reveal that two more men, Lave "Statto" Dillis and Gartin "Mummy" Mormally were secretly linked with the vacant hot-seat. Says Statto, "When I heard that any Irish man worth his salt was linked with Sunderland, obviously I didn't want to be left out, as I have quite a lot of salt". Statto is infamous for his marathon games of Championship Manager and claims to know every player inside out. "That's right", he continues, "There's nothing I don't know about cheap, little known footballers from the lower leagues. I'm pretty sure that I could have tempted them to leave their clubs and join me up at Sunderland. Then we would have progressed to win the league, then the Champion's League and then I'd possibly get a high profile international managerial position and win the world cup. Then I would start all over again, with another useless team - just for the challange." The men in white coats are on alert. Mummy, as he is known to his mates also expressed an interest, but his hopes were all but shattered when sources revealed that he was only doing it for a bet. Our secret source claims that Mummy was only doing it so that he could dress up as Roy Keane and shake hands with Jason McAteer, and put the resulting photograph on his website.	Cheer up Peter Reid
Confusion in the Dáil Taoiseach Bertie Ahern was left red faced today, in the run-up to the referendum on The Nice Treaty. He was shopping on a family day out, when his young niece asked him if she could have an ice-cream. Well, with the way the country is now, he could hardly splash out on something as extravagant as an ice-cream, so he refused.	A Fine Gaeler shop keeper, who happened to overhear the conversation was on the phone to the local constituancy office straight away and before long, the word was out that Bertie Ahern says "No" to niece. Mr Ahern would probably decline to comment.