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Dear Sir,
I have a worrying tendancy to set fire to things. I just love the thrill of lighting
that match, feeling the heat and seeing the flame spread until it completley enraptures
it's fuel beneath a ferocious shroud of red flame. I love the smell, I love the heat
and most of all I love the destruction. I will willingly set fire to anything and it's
starting to interfere with my social life. Only last week I tried to get into a niteclub.
Upon refusal of entry, I torched the bouncer. My mates said that I would have been arrested
if there had been any witnesses. I don't want to go to jail. There's no fire in jail. I now carry
a naked flame with me everywhere I go. I can't stop myself. Ow! Please help.
- A confused Pyro
Pyro, your problem worries me greatly. I suggest that you pick up some information pamphlets
from your local petrol station.
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Dear Sir,
I have a dream of one day being a master butcher. It's a noble profession and it is
traditional that the youngest son in our family goes on to become a butcher. There is just
one thing stopping me realise this dream. I am just so clumsey. I drop, trip over, smash, break and
fracture just about everything I hold or do. It's starting to depress me greatly - what should I do.
- Duffus in Galway
Duffus, it's such a shame to see a young man's dreams to be shattered in such dramatic fashion,
with absolutley no hope of redemption. Oh well, that's life.
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