Cracker eating contest degenerates into farce Contestants taking part in a cream cracker eating contest yesterday brought the sport into a state of disrepute. The competition, involving youths from all over Ireland collapsed into a brawl as arguments broke out over who was going to get the last cracker. The incident involving two of the contestants, Harragh McDugh and Kp Jilbane has brought the sport into disripute, effectively ending Ireland's bid for hosting the 2008 World Cream Cracker Eating Competition. The competition had been running smoothly until about halfway through one of the semi-finals, involving the two youths. They were evenly tied all the way through the battle and with just one cracker left, there could only be one winner. They both stopped as the final cracker lay on the plate, at which point McDugh is quoted as saying "You never were man enough to finish a whole plate", at which point Jilbane made a grab for the plate, eating the final cracker. McDugh immediatley complained to the judge "Hey, that's not fair. It was a standoff. He was supposed to come back with a witty reply!".

It was at this point Harragh's friend John G came in on the argument. "Hang on there", he claimed "I've spent most of my life working my way up to a purple belt in Karate, and I'm damned if I'm going to allow this to happen". To KP's aid came Lave Dillis who quickly retorted "But what if you're opponent was a 5' 2" female with a black-belt? Would you be able to beat her?" The brawl commenced immediatley and with nobody clearly winning, KP's side was soon aided by the fighting skills of Gartin Mormally who proceded to plough through John G, leaving him unconcsious. The brawl came to an end when everyone saw that the only fellow with fighting experience was hillariously lying on the floor, with a black eye. A spokesperson for the event said "It's a dark day for Irish Cream Cracker eating. I don't know why I bother. I really don't"